The Phantom Yellow Line Painter Revealed

11.19.00am UTC (GMT +0000) Sat 3rd Nov 2007

Lambeth under Labour - yellow lines mystery resolved!

Remember the story that hit the national headlines about the Phantom Yellow Line painter of Streatham?

The Labour-run Council in Lambeth was initially puzzled because they hadn't officially sanctioned the mystery yellow lines when they suddenly appeared in residential roads off Streatham High Road. Lambeth added to the puzzle when they said that the lines had clearly been marked out very professionally and that this indicated a certain technical prowess or even inside knowledge? The net widened.

Now, in Chapter Two of this urban mystery that has gripped the nation, and after extensive sleuthing by local Liberal Democrat Councillors into the Mysterious Case of the Streatham Phantom Yellow Lines, we can now exclusively reveal that the dastardly culprit has been found out.

Despite the best efforts of reporters from the world's media descending upon Streatham and scouring the streets for signs of people with illicit pots of yellow paint and despite Lambeth Council removing the illegal yellow lines faster than they have ever worked before to save themselves from the cruel embarrassment the furore was provoking, there are now some very bright red faces today in Lambeth's yellow line department.

You see it was the Council wot dun it.

Someone in the Highways department thought that the offending yellow lines hadn't been given official permission when they were queried by a member of the public. Later, when the Press showed an interest in the curious story, Lambeth moved like greased lightening to have them all removed. Trouble was, on rechecking, it appears that permission had been given for the lines by Lambeth themselves over a year ago.

Whoops. Now it seems the Council Taxpayer is going to have to pay to have them repainted all over again..

Cllr Brian Palmer, Lib Dem Opposition councillor, said "This is an all-too typical tale of Lambeth Life. It demonstrates a totally dysfunctional organisation that cannot even get the basics right. One wonders how many other more serious and expensive hidden mistakes local taxpayers are being charged for."